There are no words really to describe this. How do you explain to someone the hopes and dreams that you had for this new life forming in you to all of a sudden be gone My husband and I were happily planning on having our third child. We were ready to welcome a new life into our family. We knew very early on that we had conceived and I had the next nine months planned out on how I would take care of my other two children while I was pregnant and when this little one would be born. But then I started spotting. I was scared. I was nervous as I had bleeding with all my pregnancies before but not this much. I went to see my family doctor who happened to be on holiday and when the doctor covering for him put her hands on my uterus she said she couldn’t feel the blood flow that usually goes to the uterus. She sent me to the hospital for a vaginal ultrasound. The technician, of course was polite but did not show a lot of emotion. And then I was told that the baby was gone.
I shut everyone out
Shortly there after, I started cramping. I was able to pass the baby on my own. I shut my husband out. He wasn’t even with me when all of this occurred. That is still hurtful to me today. At the time, I wasn’t able to tell him that I needed him, that he should stop working, and just be with me that day. I was still early on in the pregnancy so not many people knew. I dealt with it on my own, sort of. I think I blocked it out and put it in a little box in my mind because I had two other kids to take care of, a business to run ,and a busy household.
A year later on the anniversary of the miscarriage we were camping and I slept in. I didn’t want to deal with it or relive it but I was suffering interiorly. I was sad that I didn’t have my little baby girl in my arms. I had named her Emily. I am blessed. I already had two children but I wanted more. How did I survive this? It’s a good question. Time, prayer, and to be honest I stored it away to deal with later when my mind and heart could go there. And thankfully another year later we were able to get pregnant and we now have a little boy that had I not miscarried we most likely wouldn’t have. I am thankful so very thankful but sometimes I still miss my little girl and hope to meet her one day.
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